I’ve played every mainlinePokemonsince Blue and most of the spin-offs, andScarletis the only one I haven’t finished. I know I’m not alone. It wasn’t just the graphics and performance issues, but the foray into the open world felt stilted and cluttered in the wake of not only every other open world game doing it better, butLegends: Arceusitself offering a more compelling adventure just months before. The Teal Mask DLC has brought me back, but Pokemon seems unmoved.
Pokemon has earned a sense of arrogance. It’s one of the most popular and commercially successful media brands on the planet, and good or bad, the games sell. Even amongst die-hards who will always find a way to look past Pokemon’s faults, Scarlet & Violet is regarded as, at best, a wobbly step in the right direction. I hated the pacing ofSun & Moon, was unimpressed with the growth ofSword & Shieldfor its Switch debut, and actively disliked Scarlet & Violet. And here I am playing the DLC anyway. It’s my fault, and the fault of all the other mes out there.
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Still, I was hoping for more of a warm welcome back in Paldea. I didn’t need - nor want - a grovelling apology, just something like the game achieving its potential. Pokemon has a problem with starting slow due to its obsession with the idea that every game might be someone’s first, even though returning players must outrank newbies at least five-fold. That means there’s a lot of hand-holding that can get a little embarrassing when you just want to be let loose. I had hoped the DLC, which must be at least everyone’s second experience of Pokemon, would be a little speedier. Not so.
It begins with heading to the school and a little bit of narrative chatter, that like all conversations in Pokemon, is stilted and poorly written. It also serves to remind us that Pokemon is still completely devoid of voice acting, and not for any artistic reasons, but sorta because. So you click through this nonsense and eventually you can fly off to your new location where the DLC takes place.
Initially, it’s fine. You’re on a farm and the Pokemon (Corphish, Wooper, and Poochyena) are all levels 9-12, indicating thatthe DLC is basically a fresh start. Catching some new ‘mons here (or taking a party of around the same level in which you) is a better approach than steamrolling in with whatever party you beat the game with. Or in my case,my all Grass partyformy failed Gym Leader experimentthat I cancelled when I just could not continue with Pokemon Scarlet any longer.
But I was keen to make a good go of this one, so I promptly caught a Wooper and a Poochyena, added a Tinkatink from my Pokemon Box, and on I went trying to find my best possible party. As I arrived at the first town, I had my first battle, and it was deja vu all over again. They used Poochyena. I used a Fairy move. Suddenly, the battle was interrupted, my opponent rapt by my tactical splendor.
“Oh? You already know about type match-ups?” Yes! How could anyone not! I already know the game I’m currently playing because I am now in the DLC for it! I have been playing Pokemon for 25 years, and there is a huge button that says ‘Super Effective’ next to my super effective moves! This game will not let you be bad at it. It is impossible to suck at Pokemon. And slowly, that’s making it harder to care. I’m not a genius for knowing Fire is weak to Water right after you told me. In fact, you’re a moron for being surprised.
The Teal Mask might end up being great, I’m way too early in the game to be able to tell. But it feels like the same old Pokemon, and these days, that’s just not enough.
