Some of you may remember thatI ruined my Baldur’s Gate 3 character with an ugly hatlast week. I spent hours and hours crafting a heartbreaking backstory about breaking free from a cult and making your own path in life, only for my Drow Ranger to pick up the stupidest hat she could ever happen across and wear it for the remaining hours. It’s too tall, the brim doesn’t work with her face shape, it doesn’t complement her outfit – it’s an ugly hat.
Some of you have even emailed me, very rudely, to show me the ‘hide helmet’ button. That’s not the point. This hat does not give Lúthien any buffs, it doesn’t impact her stats in any way. She’s wearing it because she’s embracing its silliness, and hiding it would mean it wouldn’t show up in cutscenes, it wouldn’t be an omnipresent feature on my screen when exploring the world, and it wouldn’t make her a bigger target in fights as enemies try to shoot the monstrosity off her Elven head. Thanks for those emails, you missed the point entirely.
Related:Baldur’s Gate 3 Should Raise The Standard Of RPGs Going Forward
But I’m beginning to wonder if the ugly hat does have a secret property, one that hides behind the sentence of flavour text and doesn’t reveal itself until the most inopportune moments, the most important skill checks.
Last week I also wrote aboutBaldur’s Gate 3’s dice rolls. I love the rolling system, as it’s incredibly satisfying, somehow feels tactile through a mouse click, and perfectly represents the tension of tabletop games. Since publishing that article, my rolls have gone to shit. I’mno save scummer, so I’ve stood by my die each time it’s been cast, but I must admit that my resolve weakened a little over the weekend.
Firstly: no, I don’t haveKarmic Diceturned on, because that ruins my immersion and I don’t need a helping hand when things are going bad. I don’t use weighted dice for real D&D, so why would I inBaldur’s Gate 3?
It wasn’t all 1s, but my rolls have been terrible. More often, I’ve missed the skill check by a single point rather than flopping completely, which is even more infuriating. Here are just a couple of examples of events that have occurred due to failing my rolls in the past couple of days:
There are plenty more examples, but these are the most annoying, least spoilery fails. Once again, I do not have Karmic Dice turned on. My luck before was standard. I scraped a few 15s, failed one or two 5s, and generally had a mixed bag of results. Rolling was exciting and the results were unexpected. Now, though, I know exactly what to expect and I’m never surprised by the result.
There are a few things that have changed in the time period between my rolls being average-to-good and my luck turning sour. I recruited new party members, leveled up twice, got into some fights, rested at camp, met an undead wizard man who gave me a necklace, and much more. But there’s only one thing that seems to have changed my luck. It’s that stupid ******* hat.
Maybe I’ve been watching too much What We Do In The Shadows, maybe I’m attributing my poor rolls to a piece of headwear that I already dislike. But this hat is definitely cursed. I don’t know who cursed it or why I’m still wearing it – maybe it’s fused to my pristine Elvish hair? – but it’s the only possible answer.
And yet I can’t bring myself to part with it. I gave Shadowheart a beret, Astarion a lovely little circlet that lets him open dwarvish doors in certain libraries, and Gale something that looks like a three-faced statue that would stand at the tip of a cathedral tower or something. We’re the silly hat crew. We’re quirky, we’re eccentric. People see Lúthien and go, “omg she’s so crazy!”
The hat is a part of my life in Faerûn now, even if it means I’ll never succeed in another roll again. Dice aren’t important now, fashion is. And by fashion I mean crimes against it. I’ve committed to the cursed hat life, and there’s nothing you’re able to do to make me take it off.
Next:Baldur’s Gate 3 Already Has More Scousers Than 99 Percent Of Games
