Who doesn’t love a good kart racer every once in a while? Even if they aren’t your first choice each time you pick up a controller, it’s hard to deny how much fun they can be when you’re playing the games with a couple of good friends.
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The thing is, kart racing in video games is horrific. Levels are filled with massive pits, objects that crush racers, and of course, racers are given plenty of weapons to use against their opponents. Kart racing is terrifying, and I know I wouldn’t be hopping into a kart in any of these games anytime soon.
10Cartoon Network Racing
If you’ve never played throughCartoon Network Racing, you aren’t missing much, but it is an interesting relic of a past era. The fairly standard kart racer stands out as the least terrifying in this list purely thanks to the cartoon nature of things.
I’ve seen how things go in shows like Johnny Bravo, Dexter’s Laboratory, and The Powerpuff Girls, and cartoon characters always bounce back. Even if someone nailed me with a missile, I’d just be covered in cartoon soot that could be shrugged off with a powerful puff of air. As far as danger goes, I think I’d be perfectly safe.
9Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled
I’ll be honest here, I don’t think I’d have much trouble handling the cast ofCrash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled. There are a few dangerous weapons to be used anda few scary course hazards, but I feel like I wouldn’t be worried about a bunch of aliens and bizarre animals.
My protect-the-Earth instincts would kick in, and I’d be ready to do anything and everything to battle the threat on those courses. Sure, the others aren’t trying to take over the world, but that wouldn’t stop me from using a couple of bowling bombs to stop them in their tracks.
8Team Sonic Racing
It’sTeam Sonic Racingwhere we start to get into the kart racers that I really don’t know if I could survive. The only thing that might keep me safe here is the fact that I’d havetwo Sonic charactersto choose from to keep my nerves down.
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If I had Shadow and E-123 Omega by my side, I honestly think the power of pure edginess would keep me going. I’m certainly not going to be nervous about Team Amy going at me, but I don’t need to be struck by lightning while Sonic taunts me for being too slow.
7LittleBigPlanet Karting
At a glance, most people might think something likeLittleBigPlanet Kartingwould be a wonderful experience. The adorable little sack creatures and simple racing would be fun, right? Wrong.
The last thing I need in my life is to be horrifically attacked by a bunch of things that I find adorable. I don’t need Sackboy to drive up behind me with a Weaponator in hand, smile at me, and then proceed to blast me into oblivion with a rocket. I’m good, thanks. You go ahead and try it if you think you could.
6Toy Story Racer
Toy Story Racermay be a cult-classic game that pits you against all your favorite characters from the hit movie, but that’s the problem. I do not need to be creeped out bya group of walking, talking toysthat want nothing but to demolish me in a race.
The weapons are a bit more tame than in some other racers, but the main issue is the fact that I’d be stuck in a world with living toys. That may be wonderful for a child’s imagination, but I just don’t need to wonder if everything around me is walking around when I stop paying attention.
5Diddy Kong Racing
There is just something eerie about the animal cast of Diddy Kong Racing. First, I’m of the opinion that I should never be near any kinds of monkeys, bears, or tigers, all of which are characters in this game, and all of which could absolutely massacre me without a kart.
Then, there’s the fact that I’d not only have to be a solid kart racer, but I’d also have to be great with a hovercraft thing and a literal airplane. I can’t tell you how fast I’d crash a plane, but my guess would be pretty much immediately.
While some people might think that they’d do incredibly in theStar Warsuniverse, I am not one of those people. I’d probably be taken out by something lame like a space cold. That’s part of why I wouldn’t want to participate in Super Bombad Racing.
The main reason is I’d be forced to forever relive the memories of The Phantom Menace, and I just don’t think I want to do that if it’s not the last 30 minutes of the movie. Then there’s the fact that everyone has unnaturally large heads, and as someone whose head is already big enough, that thought is terrifying.
3Mortal Kombat Armageddon: Motor Kombat
This game might not be a dedicated racer, but the fact that a whole kart racer was included in the release of aMortal Kombatgame might make it even more worth mentioning. The reason why this racer would be horrifying should be self-explanatory considering it’s in Mortal Kombat.
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While the game isn’t as violent as the main game is, that doesn’t mean you may’t be obliterated by the opponents, plenty of lava, or a few ice spikes. I don’t do well with the cold, so being frozen by Sub-Zero mid-race does not sound all that appealing.
2Shrek Smash N’ Crash Racing
People might love themselves a good helping ofShrek, but I am not one of those people. I’m one of those people who thinks all things Shrek are horrifying, especially this particularly uncanny and offputting racer.
The courses and the power-ups aren’t the real worry for this one, it’s simply the world of Shrek. I don’t want to believe that Shrek is love or life, I’m good. I’ll let the true Shrek fans deal with this game while I board up my home to stay away.
1Mario Kart 8 Deluxe
It may be theclassic example of a kart racerin gaming, but it’s also absolutely the most terrifying race you could compete in. The Mario cast shows absolutely no mercy in everyMario Kartgame, and I know that would include me.
I do not need to be struck by lightning or absolutely demolished by a blue shell. I’ve seen what a blue shell can do to the average Mario character, and I have all kinds of questions about how they survive and don’t go flying out of their carts.
