There are probably a lot of reasons why you love your favorite games. If you’re like me, one of the biggest reasons is that you aren’t the one forced to go through all the hardships that the main cast of characters must go through to see things through to the end.
There are countless games in which I would never want to be the hero because I know my personal limits. I can’t shoot fire out of my hands, I run about as fast as the average guy, and I have the emotional intelligence of a cactus without any prickles, so I really don’t want to be a hero anytime soon.
10Kingdom Hearts 3
There are a lot of redeeming qualities about the adventure seen throughout theKingdom Heartsseries, but I have three major issues. First, I would never have any clue what in the world was going on with the adventure I was actively on.
Second and third, I know I’d lose my mind if I had to travel with Donald and Goofy. There are only so many times you’re able to here Goofy say “garsh,” or cringe through that Donald laugh, and I just know I’d be looking towhack them each with a Keybladelong before the adventure was done.
9Banjo-Kazooie
While I’m sure it would be delightful to have a trusty bird sidekick tucked in my backpack, I just couldn’t deal with the adventure inBanjo-Kazooie. In a rare instant, I’m actually sure I could handle Gruntilda, but I don’t think I could deal with her board game.
I love board games as much as the next person, but we all know that Grunty’s is an absolute nightmare. Asking me to go around finding random answers to random questions just isn’t going to work, and all of my knowledge from previous levels will be meaningless considering all information leaves my brain as quickly as it arrives.
8Resident Evil 7
Anyone who thinks they’d be brave or skilled enough to take onResident Evil 7in real life is a liar. Even trying to claim you are brave enough involves trying to convince someone you’d be okay with having your hand, and potentially part of your leg cut off.
I’m gonna go ahead and say no thanks to that. All of that is before we even talk about the Baker family, because right from that opening dinner scene to when Jack Kool-Aid Man’s through that wall is allsome of the biggest nope moments in gaming.
7Borderlands 2
Having to survive any of the events of theBorderlandsseries would already be tricky, but everything in Borderlands 2 doesn’t sound all that great to experience. I don’t think I could last more than five minutes with Claptrap, and Handsome Jack’s constant taunts certainly wouldn’t help.
I’d be much happier to leave Pandora alone and join one of the big evil corporations if it meant that I’d be far away from the bands of Psychos and horrific alien life just waiting to try to kill me.
6Alien: Isolation
Put me anywhere with a Xenomorph and I’ll run screaming, so obviously, I wouldn’t do well inAlien: Isolation. Even just the title of the game is two separate things that I do not like: aliens, and being completely on my own.
We all like to think we could take on a Xenomorph, but we aren’t Ripley, so we probably shouldn’t try. I’d get in a locker as soon as possible and hope everything blows over, even if something like that isn’t likely to happen.
5Elden Ring
I’m sorry, buthave you seen the Elden Beast? I can not only firmly tell you that I have no desire to be forced to fight the many horrific bosses ofElden Ring, but I also have no desire to put in all the work to get to them.
If you want to go ahead and brawl with Godrick the Grafted, you have every right to do so, but I prefer to not be anywhere near someone who decided they wanted an anime-style power boost by literally grafting their underlings to them. Although, that sounds like a great idea for a new Dragon Ball villain.
Every single aspect ofDead Spaceis one walking nope. Stranded out in space with a bunch of mutated undead alien things is not the kind of fate I’d wish on my worst enemy. If I had access to Dead Space 2’s hand cannon, maybe things would be different, but that’s a big maybe.
I don’t even like spiders, so imagine if some mutated creature with pointy limbs came sprinting at me. I can tell you one thing: you better be hoping I was wearing a strong engineer RIG otherwise there might be some serious leakage going on.
3Uncharted 4
This really shouldn’t be all that of a controversial pick in all honesty. We’ve all seen some of the ridiculous jumps that Nathan Drake has to make throughout theUnchartedseries and I know I just don’t have the kind of pinky strength required for something like that.
I also don’t have the bravery or lack of a fear of heights so those are other compacting factors, but the pinky thing is definitely the biggest issue. He also kind of kills a lot of people, and I’m definitely not about to do that, so Nathan Drake can have the gig.
2Mass Effect 3
It might be nice for some to imagine themselves as the savior of an entire galaxy, but that’s when you aren’t dealing with a threat like the Reapers fromMass Effect. Commander Shepard has to save the entire galaxy from certain doom, and even if I made it to the end, I wouldn’t be able to make a decision.
I’d be too indecisive to call all those shots. Is the Rachni Queen a solid addition or not? Every time I play the game I feel like my choice is awful regardless of what’s happened throughout the trilogy. I won’t know for certain unless I’m ever in the situation, but I probably shouldn’t be leading an army intoa charge against alien forcesanytime soon.
1Shadow Of The Tomb Raider
Anyone who suffers from claustrophobia or just generally thinks they would immediately die if they were stranded in the jungle can feel me on this one.Shadow of the Tomb Raider’sLara Croft is one tough lady, definitely tougher than me because I do not want to fight with leopards.
I also would squeal like a tiny mouse if I even remotely felt trapped in a cave, and that’s basically another day in the office for Lara. What I’m trying to say here is that the plot doesn’t even matter, this is one adventure I’m never going on.
