Pokemon Scarlet & Violet were bad games. I can’t get over how awful they were, and they’re the firstPokemongames in generations that I haven’t been bothered enough to complete the PokeDex in. I got the awkward ones like Brambleghast and the version exclusives, and then just didn’t want to spend another minute roaming Paldea’s textureless plains to catch the likes of Diglett and Zorua.
The one thing that Gen 9 had going for it was its Pokemon designs. From the shaggy-haired Mabosstiff, who was definitely helped by a touching storyline, to the cool warriors Armarouge and Ceruledge, to Klawf and Tinkaton, there’s some great designs introduced in Paldea. There are some terrible ones too, Spidops and Dudunsparce spring to mind, but on the whole I was happy.
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I’m a big fan of the Treasures of Ruin, a quadrilogy of Legendaries that are incredibly annoying to capture but make up for it with sleek designs. Game Freak also excelled when it came to new evolutions and forms. Clodsire is iconic, the past and future forms of Pokemon look excellent (although past is the clear winner), Annihilape is the perfect refreshment to an original evolutionary line, and Kingambit might be my favourite Pokemon since Cufant.
I wasn’t particularly excited to jump into thePokemon Scarlet & Violet DLCdue to the reasons writ above. The game just doesn’t run well on Switch, and Istill haven’t finished Tears of the Kingdom, despite it being a far better game and, you know, actually functioning. However, new Pokemon could sway me. If Game Freak just showed another Kingambit, perhaps a Breloom evolution or alternate form of some other forgotten monster like Skarmory, Tropius, or Sudowoodo, I’d be back on board. It’s a shame then, that it has revealed the weirdest looking bastards I’ve ever seen.
First, we have Dipplin. I don’t know who decided Applin needed a new form, or why it had to look like the lovechild of a Goomy and a toffee apple, but it’s here. Appletun is already the perfect evolution for Applin, so this feels not only poorly designed, but completely unnecessary too. Still, it’s notbadper se, just unnecessary.
Then we saw Raikou. This electric dinosaur has some weird name like Roaming Bolt or something, but it’s essentially a new Raikou form and everyone will call it Ancient Raikou anyway. I’m actually kind of impressed with this one, as Pokemon has taken the coolest Legendary ever designed and made it ugly beyond belief. I don’t know how it was possible to make it look so terrible, but I can only assume it was Bring Your Toddler To Work Day and someone accidentally saved their kid’s design over the original. Why is it’s neck like that? Why? For once, I’m glad I have Violet.
Most recently, Game Freak spilled the tea on Poltchageist, a Polteageist form based on Japanese tea ceremonies. It’s a wonderful trailer and a great idea – Sinistea and Polteageist played on the British tea tradition in the Galar region, and Japan also has a long history of the drink, arguably far deeper than our own. However, once again, the design lets it down. The vibe is just about right, but why does it have a cartoon face drawn on the front? This is a creature that saps your life force if you chip a teacup or are rude at the table, so why does it look so silly?
I’ve not even touched on the new cover stars, which are presumably Legendary or Mythical Pokemon. Munkidori and Okidogi look terrible, and Fezandipiti is only okay because it’s an uninspired bird Pokemon. As if we didn’t have enough of those already. Ogerpon has potential, but I’m not sure I’ll like what I see when it takes its mask off.
The Teal Mask already has an awful track record with Pokemon designs, which is a huge disappointment after they were the saving grace of the base games. We’re still weeks out from release though, so there’s plenty of time for the announcements to get even worse.
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